musings of a budding social entrepeneur

Sunday, November 13, 2005

when the asking outweighs the doing

I feel like my head is all over the place, and not heading in any particular direction. getting jerked around into all these different cross-currents.. one minute i'm trying to decide what kind of job i should be looking for,,, should i go for that associate producer spot? or that gig in the UK? is the UK opp just an excuse to escape? the next, i'm trying to decide what kind of house to buy. TIC or single family home? another escape opportunity? then i ask myself, why the fuck am i buying a house anyway? so i can be broke and live all alone in it? and then there's the love life... do i start dating now? do i just keep busy with work/friends? what should i do to nurture my creativity? paint? music? should i buy serrano?

i guess it's not that bad. at least i'm asking the questions. better than not asking any. it's just that i hit this discomfort zone when the asking outweighs the doing... i tend to be more of a doer, or at least i think i do. being alone has definitely removed some of the old drivers for my life's decisions. with c in my life, i had an external purpose that guided my path, without her, i'm back to carving out my own. it's been a while since i've had to live it like this...
again, have to get grounded, find my direction, then follow it for a while till it eventually takes me somewhere better. hmm, let's see if i can remember how.


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