one month

actually it's been exactly 32 days and several minutes since she and i split up. 2 and a half weeks since our last communication.
next week would have marked our 3rd year anniversary.
why am i torturing myself with these rememberances?
last week, i had this recurring thought that if i were to get the opportunity to ask her one question, that it would go something like, "do you think there's someone else out there for you? is that any part of why we're apart now?"
guess that's really 2 questions. but who's counting?
anyway you break it down it all comes down to one question really.
are we going to be together?
i doubt that this past month has done anything to help her feel more able to answer that question.
i don't even have an answer to that anymore.

sometimes i wonder... if we were in a cirucumstance where we were to try again, how would things be different? what would it take to keep me happy and invested? what it it take to keep her happy? it's taken us over a year of trying to find those things together only to fail in the end. how could i possibly expect something this soon? seems pretty clear that now would not be a good time to try.

this has been the longest month of my life.